Everyday we get to choose. And maybe some days it doesn’t feel like a choice. Some days it just feels like surviving. Like limping. Like you have no idea how you got here. My choice of how my life was going to go came when I walked into a church and it changed my life. And sure that might not be what your story is but I certainly didn’t think it was mine either. I’d always laugh and joke about how I thought God gave up on me long ago. How I didn’t matter to Him anymore. If you would of told me the next step in my healing would of came from inside a church I would of directly laughed in your face and walked away. I thought religion “wasn’t for me”, I “wasn’t good enough” I “didn’t know how it worked”. But in the most amazing and life changing, blessing of a way – I was wrong.
See religion seemed so different for me at the time – most of my family didn’t believe and the one who did used it against me to cover up the abuse that was taking place. So how could I even begin to give it a chance when I felt like I already failed at it. Like it had already failed me. It takes a lot of true effort to say “hey I respect what you think but I’m going to figure things out for myself” and eventually that’s what I did. People kept giving me this “oh just join a church” speech and I wasn’t in the place to blindly jump into that and so eventually I was like yea I have to take this at my own pace and figure it all out for myself. I spent years slowly coming around to the idea of God, the church and what it all meant to me.
I’m truly lucky in that God had a plan for me and He believed that I’d be able to live out His plan – I just needed to go through the depths first.
